Being a Girl...erm.... Woman

WORDS I HATE:

moist

tender

flesh

nuance

engorge

rural

loins

lubricate

horror

pecan

nostril

the other n word...i can't even write it, but it refers to the top of a baby's bottle.

mucus

cloister

clotted

pustule

succulent
ointment

supple
salve

and finally.... 

WOMAN.

There are many reasons that I dislike the word "woman."  I just dislike the way it sounds... and I get really anal about people mixing up "woman" with "women".  Which often sound the same, or "women" is converted to some sort of "wimmin" sound....Ugh.  ANGER AND TENSION.  

My first experience with it directed at me:

Twelve-year-old Christi: Mom, I can't go to school today.  

Mom: What? Why not? You're going!

Christi: *meaningful look* ... shamefaced gestures....

Mom: *bursts into laughter* Oh, sweetie!  

Christi: It's not funny.

Mom: *fake saccharine fifties voice* "You're a woman now!" hahahahahahahahahhahaha

Christi: I'm leaving now.

See?  Unpleasant connotations.  Woman means cramps, mood swings, and unsympathetic mothers.  

NB: My mom is awesome, and I totally deserved it, I was being a brat the night before about wanting more privileges.  

Also, woman is indicative of responsibility.  I HATE RESPONSIBILITY.  And square toed, boxy shoes.  Or worse: mom jeans and shoulder pads.  

When I think woman, I think of this: ------>

I can feel my chin thickening.  Oh, my gosh.  

I think that the terror is brought on by my association of "woman" with "adult" which is theoretically.... not me.

The idea that my freshman roommate is getting married this Saturday freaks the crap out of me.  Surely, my generation, we're not ready to be married and have children?

Facebook suggests otherwise... thank you high school pregnancies....

Anyway, I never thought that I'd be afraid of aging.  It's shallow to cling to youth.  I stand by that statement.

Maybe it's the "peak" ideal.

According to this chart, women peak at ... 20 or so....

I'm 19....

Also... notice the male peak....

So.

Not.

Fair.

DEAR GOD FIX ME FAST!  I don't want to blink and miss it!!!!

Also, if I ever become a woman, I think I'd miss the following phrases in day to day life...

"Yeah, girl!"

"Baby guurrrrrrrrl"

"Get it girl"

and so on and so forth.  *Sigh*

I'm moving to Neverland.

You dain to write a blog?

Hmm hmm.  (that's a chortle)

Nyes.  nyes I do. (and thaaaat was British.)


I've decided that I'm pretty gifted.  No, really.

You see, every so often, the guard comes down, and the tongue runs unchecked... not the best plan, because it's not always appropriate or kind.  So... if I write in a blog, maybe I can vent a little, and no one's feelings get hurt?

..
.
.

Hopefully.

So, today I was walking back to my dorm from leading sectionals in Chorale.  It's always a challenge for me, because we're doing Messiah, and I'm not quite learned in the art of conducting.  In relief and for lack of anything better to do, I sang to myself.

Pretty common.

In a chipmunk voice... because hey, no one was around.

Wrong.

I walked past girls in my alto section, who both did double takes to see their "responsible section leader" rocking out to the Chipmunk version of "Don't Stop Believing."  Complete with Chipmunk guitar solo.

I'm awesome.

Oy.